


Darling, Please Don't Ask Me

by HisRedEmpress



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 5 Times, Angst, Anxiety, Drabble, M/M, Post-Episode 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 00:00:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8868250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HisRedEmpress/pseuds/HisRedEmpress
Summary: Sometimes, letting things left unsaid can be harmful. But sometimes, only sometimes, there's just no words needed. Alternate Title: 5 times Yuuri was anxious because of Viktor and 1 time Yuuri made Viktor scared.





	1. Chapter 1

1.

It was the day of the Grand Prix Final and Yuuri is most definitely what you can call jitterry. He can't stop tapping his foot whenever he's seated, and when he's not, he can't stop pacing around. 

This was new. Not his anxiety, no. He has that since as far as he could remember. This restlessness was new. More often than not, whenever he was nervous, he'd just stay in one corner, listen to his music or stretch his arms and legs.

He was never the one who does a lot of stuff to release tension. He opted to use less space as possible. It was easier to keep it to himself - his anxiety. 

But today was different. Today is the day where it all ends. Today, he's putting it all out there. His body, his soul, his heart - their love - all for the world to see. And that is too great for him - that he's giving everything, he's leaving everything bare. 

He can lose it all at once if he fails. Too much is at stake - Viktor.

Viktor. 

And that thought is what makes him restless the most.

Viktor isn't his for him to lose to begin with.

If he does fail, he won't lose Viktor. 

Viktor will leave him. 

And that -

That is too much for his anxious heart to bear.

2\. 

He failed. 

Time and time he practiced it to land it perfectly, and he still failed. 

Damn it. Damn it. 

The frustration is too much. It's just too much. 

He wanted to bang his hand on the ice, shout so loud until his throat is hoarse. He wanted to just let it all out, because if he won't -

The frustration and the disappointment will tear him apart. 

And Viktor. 

Viktor.

What will Viktor say? He must be so disappointed. 

He's too afraid to look and stand up from the ice. He's too afraid to see the disappointment Yuuri is so sure present in Viktor's eyes. 

He's afraid. 

He's so afraid.

3\. 

It comforted him, knowing that Viktor is watching him closely whenever he skates. The feeling of Viktor's gaze on him as he slides on the ice prickles his skin like the cold brushing on his cheeks. It was his comfort, it was what makes him be confident enough on the ice.

He also took pride in being the person who stole Viktor's attention, so much so, that he also stole him away from the ice itself - the ice where the world loves and adores Viktor Nikiforov.

It was him, Katsuki Yuuri, and him alone who Viktor sees. 

That's what he thought. 

Being proven otherwise hurts him so much that it felt like the ground under his feet was taken away and it left him free falling down, down, down so fast with only a sure hard ground to catch his fall. 

It hurt to see Viktor so focused on another skater aside from him. 

It hurt so much when Viktor didn't even notice him at all behind him when he was watching another person skate. Even when he promised Yuuri that he would only look at him (and only him alone). 

It hurt when he knows that he's starting to lose it. 

He doesn't have Viktor's interest solely on him now. If Viktor can look at others like that, can look at other skater and not even spare a glance at him despite calling his name out, then how? 

How can Yuuri keep Viktor when he can't even keep so much as Viktor's attention? 

4\. 

Yuuri likes to think himself as selfless. He wasn't a bratty child growing up. He was easily content with less. He likes being rewarded, being praised, but it didn't really to matter him if he didn't receive anything when he is due for one. 

He was happy on the thought alone that he did something good. 

After he met Viktor, that changed alongwith the hundred and one things that Viktor Nikiforov turned upside down in his world. 

He loves getting praised by Viktor. He loves it so much that he craves for it. He loves it so much that he wishes that all the praises that will ever leave Viktor's mouth would all be directed to him.

Anyone that Viktor praises aside from himself makes him green with jealousy, and makes him want to do selfish things.

Hearing Viktor praise everyone but him on their wonderful short programs makes him full of envy that dark thoughts start filling up his mind.

He's selfish now, and that's not him. 

That's not him and that scares him.

5\. 

He's scared to death. 

He was never the one for confrontations, and this, what he's planning screams confrontation everywhere.

He's not even sure if this was the right way to go about it, but Yuuri is done with all this anxiety. He wants to keep it the way it is now, than have it for a borrowed time and end up hating all of it.

This was the right thing to do, but he's so scared of admitting it up front. 

Afterall, he might lose Viktor. 

If he didn't lose him yet anyway.

"What did you want to talk about?"

And that's his cue, right? 

"After the final," he says with his heart thumping so loud against his chest. "Let's end this."


	2. Chapter 2

+1. 

It is not true that Viktor never gets scared to go out on the ice despite what the media says. He does get scared. And he gets especially scared everytime before he enters the ice.

Yes, he's confident and brave. He does have the skills to back up for it afterall. But being brave and confident doesn't mean he's fearless.

He does fear - he has a lot of things to fear of - but it all seemed to go away when he starts to skate. His for skating is much greater than his fears, and that's why he can be his best on the ice. 

Nevertheless, he still gets scared. 

He's only human afterall. 

Viktor laughs bitterly at himself. How many times have he heard that phrase been used by those who only have excuses for themselves? 

He heard that too many times, all up on his head. 

Meeting Yuuri turned Viktor's world upside down as much as he did to Yuuri's world. He really thought it was over - that finally he reached the end of the line. 

Yuuri's love and life showed him better.

Yuurì sparked something in Viktor. That slowly dwindling fire in Viktor's heart was brought to life by Yuuri. 

Skating is more fun with Yuuri around. It didn't matter that he's not the one on the ice anymore. Seeing Yuuri on the ice is more than enough.

It is more than enough. 

Yuuri gave him more than enough already. 

It was time for Viktor to repay Yuuri for all the things he receieved from him - his love, his admiration, his trust - all of it. 

Viktor is sure to tell Yuuri how much he appreciates him (how much he loves him, how he can't live without him).

Because sometimes, Viktor isn't sure that action can speak louder than words. 

He needs to tell Yuuri. 

Before -

Before this. 

 

Viktor gets scared. He does. Especially when he's not sure that he'd get the results he wants at the end of his program. Errors can still happen. There are a lot of variables to consider afterall. 

And Yuuri. 

Yuuri is an unknown variable, an uncharted land. 

"Let's end this." 

He wasn't prepared for that at all, and that mind-numbing coldness creeping up his veins told him that he's scared. 

He's scared to lose. 

He's scared to lose Yuuri. 

And he's not sure if he's not yet too late to keep him, because he didn't tell Yuuri soon enough. 

'Thank you. I love you. Never leave. Stay Close to Me.'

Viktor left it all unsaid.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't sleep. I have a game tomorrow and instead of practicing I am angsting over YOI Ep 11 again. Fml. I had to get this out of my system. Not proofread. Feel free to point out my mistakes. +1 will be written after I take some zzz. Thanks lots for reading <3


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